Why do so many of my feelings stand in such stark contrast to each other? 
I am either very happy and excited, or very sad and full of dread. 

It really throws me off sometimes. Especially when it happens really fast, without warning, and sometimes even without cause. In an instant, the thoughts I had just moments a go are gone, having been been replaced by irrational ones, or random hypotheticals (or worse, by nothing at all). When that happens, the thoughts that have been so swiftly replaced are even harder to let go of than usual. I am close enough to feeling them so fully and with all of my being that I cannot imagine me without them. The sense of loss is overwhelming.

What is loss anyways? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? That's a trick question I'm afraid, because it is both. Sometimes one, sometimes the other, and sometimes it's some twisted, beautiful, flawed combination of the two. And its not a singular event. It's not like you experience loss, and then one day that experience is over. It is a part of you. It becomes part of your history, your story, but also of your present. Because it changes you, even if that change is as simple as you recognizing some part of yourself that you hadn't seen before. 

Choose what you would be willing to lose very carefully.