"i don't know where it is but i know i'm going/ home"

Where is it? What constitutes it? I used to think that I knew: I thought that it ALL came down to the people we have and keep around us ("home is wherever I'm with you"). Yet, while that is very important, there's also another VIP[art] of the mixture that we sometimes forget about: ourselves.

Now, I don't mean that in a selfish/ asshole-ish type of way. But sometimes we have to do things on our own, as individuals, to figure out exactly who we are; where and how and when we are really at home within ourselves; essentially, who we are.

I am sooo close with my family and friends, and rely on them sooo much-- and I LOVE that. I love that we're that close; I love that I know that they'll always have my back and I their's; I love that they know what I need/ don't need and that they aren't afraid to give/ not give it to me when I need it; I love that I can't lie to them, no matter how hard I try; I love that when I do try, they can tell (and usually totally call me out on it--thanks especially to L-Sac for this one); I love how they love me. I really do have the BEST family in the world. Hands down. 117%.

Its for that very reason that I'm getting nervous to leave again. I didn't think that I would, given that I've lived there already and its not unknown anymore. But its not where I'm going that makes me anxious so much as it is is what I'm leaving. But again--and here's what I'm getting at (this one isn't so neat and tidy; its a bit more...loose, you could say)--they will always be there; they're not not going to be my family, ever; and me leaving does not equal me losing them forever.

Here's something else that I've learned. It may seem to contradict everything else that I've said, but just give me a sec (I told you I'm a bit all over the place today). We all want our big Adventures: we all want to travel the world, to see as much as we can, to experience new things, to live different lives. But you know what? Those things do not an adventure make--not on their own, anyways. No siree. All of our biggest, most challenging, most rewarding, most trying and most valuable adventures can be found much closer than the nearest faraway land--they're here, within us. We don't need to leave to find them, we just need to tune in; we don't only have to ride the wave-- we have to ride our wave, too (and maybe first). Its not about learning to live in a new place; its not about learning a new language (spoken, cultural or otherwise). Its not about what's outside: its about what's inside. Its about You, and how it is you, as an individual, will come to know and see that; how You, as an individual, will unearth it; how You, as an individual will learn to be You, as an Individual.

I could probably say more on this. But I think I'll leave it at that. Sometimes its better to leave things a little...un-specific. Sometimes you need a little ambiguity to get a lot of clarity.

In fact....I won't even proofread :)