+ fit

I'm always on the lookout for new workouts and workout ideas. So when something really catches my eye, when something really stands out, I jump on it.

My friend Umar is probably the most fit person I know. And, like me, he's a total insomniac. We have very similar workout styles and tastes and, for the most part, live the same lifestyle--right down to 3am wake-up calls and 5am training sessions. So when he told me that he almost threw up after the first time he went, I was even more excited. I LOVE putting myself through physical torture--because I LOVE the feeling of accomplishment that goes along with it. I live for that rush. The gym, rollerblading, running, swimming...its an addiction, and I'll do anything to satisfy it.

It was very different than what I had expected. It wasn't the most intense hour of my life; I didn't almost throw up after; if anything, I kind of regretted not staying back at my gym after my run and just doing my own resistance training. At least there, I can measure my progress; at least there, I know how to push myself, how to improve from the day/ week/ month/ set/ rep that came before; at least there, I know where my limits lie, so I know how to test and push them. Now, I'm not saying it was easy. Trust me, I am quite aware of how pathetic I looked compared to other, more experienced members. But...it was frustating. I'm usually pretty good at maintaining proper form--partly because I've always been active and partly because I'm a physical person. So it burned me when I couldn't get into a position that would allow me to really push myself; it burned me that I had to start at the bottom, that I had to walk while the others ran; it burned me that I couldn't give it my all, that I couldn't and wouldn't get that high. I fet inadequate and incompetent infront of myself. Until the next day came, that is. As soon as I woke up, I could feel it--or, I couldn't feel it, I should say: because I couldn't move. Literally. My abs, my back, my biceps, my triceps, my chest....killed. Without even realizing it, I had worked muscles that even the most intense workout that I do on my own can't touch. And I had worked them in a way that was completely foreign to them. I hadn't been that sore since...since I don't even know when. Sure, I'm always completely exhausted when I leave the gym-- but not like this.

Sometimes its easy to give up on new things before giving them a proper chance. No one likes feeling uncomfortable, out-of-their-element, unsure, afraid, vulnerable or weak. No one likes the feeling you get when you're standing there and everyone is watching you, waiting, because you can't seem to grasp what they can so easily; because its different for you. No one likes the feeling you get when what you're doing goes against everything you've ever known, how you've been programmed, so much so that you cannot, for the life of you, figure out how to adapt to it; how to change; how to just let it wash over you and go with it.

I'll let you in on what its taken me a lifetime to learn, and what I still struggle with, daily: its not always about trying or forcing. Sometimes its about allowing. You have to allow yourself that time to learn; you have to allow yourself the opportunity to make mistakes; you have to allow yourself the opportunity to work through them; you have to allow yourself to be patient; you have to allow yourself the chance to adapt; you have to allow yourself to be open; you have to allow yourself, to be.

I went to the gym the next day, as usual. I ran; I cycled; I used the ellipitical. But 10 minutes into my resistance training, I left. I was bored. It was easy. I didn't feel uncomfortable or unsure or out-of-my-element or afraid or weak--I felt like I normally do. But I also knew what it was to feel all of those things, to push through them-- and to feel and be stronger for it. I knew what it was like to wake up the next day and feel it; to really feel it. So I got in my car and drove downtown again. And I did better; I pushed myself a bit more; I improved.

On that first day, we did some exercies on the rings. When you watch someone else demonstrating, it looks easy enough. But then when you try yourself? Holding yourself upside down with nothing but your hands to support you, doing backward and forward flips essentially in mid-air = not easy. But, like the owner of the studio explained to me, its our fear that makes us hesitate. Nothing else. The rings aren't going anywhere; the rings will move with us, not against us; and, worst case scenario, its not that far a distance to the floor. All we have to do, is hold on. The rest will come naturally--if not at first, then soon enough. Its not that its hard, per say--its just that its new.

Its not about being an expert at one thing; its not about being able to run the fastest or lift or squat the most or stretch the deepest. Its being a jack of all trades and a master of none; its about being able to perform well at all tasks--not expertly at one. Its about learning to respond and react to everything that could be presented to us. Its not just about working out-- its about being Fit.